Explaining why men still wear their oldest T-shirt, Doug gives us the man’s perspective.

Like the Boston song, it’s More Than A Feeling.

When I was dating Rachel, I was romantic and tried to look nice. Once we got married, I got comfortable at home and started to wear my old T-shirts. She did not like them at all and began trying to persuade me to get rid of them. I came to understand that it wasn’t easy for her that her romantic suitor was now a hairy, sweaty, old-T-shirt-wearing brute.

Rachel was very clear, like most women, about what an old T-shirt meant to her: “Would anyone like a new dust rag?”

When I look at those ratty, beat-down, torn, stained, faded and glorious T-shirts, they simply mean something to me that she (and perhaps most women) can’t see. Let’s cover some basics.

First, do not try to get rid of the T-shirts. It even helps if you can refrain from making negative comments about them. Keep your thoughts of making rags to yourselves.

Understanding the man/tee link is key, so let’s dig into that.

1. A T-shirt has a special way of connecting to a past memory. Getting out my 20-year-old Texas Tech Intramural Football Championship tee brings backs some glory-day memories of cold fall nights with a group of guys that I literally grew into manhood with. Men are visual, so when I see myself wearing that T-shirt, I can see and feel my old self.

2. A T-shirt can be an experience of freedom. The worse a T-shirt looks, the more free I feel wearing it. Rachel washes my clothes every week, and she takes great care of my clothes. This makes me want to take care of them as well, but the T-shirt breaks away from those feelings because it is expendable, unloved by her, free to go under the hood, free to get torn or stained. Like some kind of man-armor protecting me from having to be overly careful or civilized.

3. T-shirts that are well-worn are softer and more comfortable than most other clothes. During the summer I greatly appreciate a thin, cool tee. Hey, it’s hot outside. Also, when worn under a sweater or other clothes, a worn-smooth tee is very nice against the skin.

So girls, don’t blow off the old T-shirts, because in a small way it could be blowing off your man. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but seriously, understanding can only help. And understanding your man always helps. If you want to work on the T-shirt collection, do it together and talk about it.

When we talked, I found out that Rachel certainly wanted me to have things that I cared about. She didn’t want to get rid of things that I was sentimental about, and I didn’t want to keep the ones that she thought were gross.

Guys, I still have my old T-shirts, but it’s a much smaller collection.

Have a question? Send it to Ask Doug.

Doug’s first job was in a meatpacking plant. He ran with the bulls in Pamplona. He’s read the works of C. S. Lewis. He’s manly, and he’s here to help.

See the comments for this post: The Man/T-shirt Connection: Why Guys Still Love Their Worn-Out Tees

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Most Valentine’s Day gifts are for women. What do guys want for Valentine’s Day?
–Hoping for flowers at the office in Houston

One of my favorite presents was a trip to the grocery store.

I remember the clear, cloudless day, sun shining down on me proudly pushing my cart into Central Market. Rachel was with me, and some friends who came along.

I picked up a steak and set it in the cart. Rachel said, “That’s great, Doug!”

I grabbed some chips. Rachel said, “That’s really great, Doug!”

I picked up some really expensive jam. Rachel said, “Yum, that will be really great, Doug!”

In fact everything I picked up got the same response from her (or very close to it), and that was my present: I could choose anything I wanted, and she could only say how great everything was. [Note from Rachel: This was in the days when we were paying off debt, and we had a really tight grocery budget, if you're wondering about this.]

So what did I get, besides some red AND yellow peppers?

I got what most men want. I was accepted.

This was a tough question. I could have handled tools, philosophy, or politics much easier than this one. Maybe the next question could be how many lights per foot do you plan for a Christmas tree.

What can you do to make a man feel accepted? I’ll suggest a few man-centric thoughts to you ladies out there… if you’re a man and reading this you can give me a silent fist bump.

It helps a man feel accepted when he knows that the things he has already done are more important than the things he has not done yet.

A guy likes it when a woman acts like she has everything she wants when she has him.

A man will notice if you listen to him.

I have no idea what it cost Rachel to make that trip to the grocery store with me. It was simply one of my best gifts. Find a way to make your man feel accepted, now that’s a Valentine’s Day present.

Have a question? Send it to Ask Doug.

Doug’s first job was in a meatpacking plant. He ran with the bulls in Pamplona. He’s read the works of C. S. Lewis. He’s manly, and he’s here to help.

See the comments for this post: Ask Doug: What do guys want for Valentine’s Day?

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Note from the Editor: Doug is feeling quite conflicted about this question and is unable to answer it. You see, it was only recently with the imminent back room clean out project that Doug decided to let go of his own Star Wars collection.

I laughed when I read this question, because I too have lived with toys.

I’ll see your Boba Fett and raise you an AT-AT.

Doug’s selling most of the collection, but we’re keeping the Darth Vader head.

So bide your time, dear readers, and your man may grow out of them on his own. Until then, may the Force be with you.

Love,
Rachel

Have a question? Send it to Ask Doug.

Doug’s first job was in a meatpacking plant. He ran with the bulls in Pamplona. He’s read the works of C. S. Lewis. He’s manly, and he’s here to help.

See the comments for this post: Ask Doug: Men and Their Toys

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I have heard this can happen. I think it would help if I try to shed some light on the inner workings of a man’s mind where it relates to computer parts:

“It’s cool to fix something, computers are cool, if I fix a computer I’m cool.”

There may be nothing you can do about this room. Also, I would like you to know that there are worse things that can fill a room than old computer parts.

Seriously though, I spent a large part of my growing up years wishing we could afford nice computers. Technology kept changing and leaping forward, and wow that stuff was really great. The techie geek kid in me longed for that stuff, dreamed about it. Today the stuff of my kid dreams is going in the trash and the Flash Gordon type technology is all around us. It is very hard to look at that old stuff without thinking about how it meant so much to me just a few short years ago (okay, 25 years ago). This applies to all kinds of stuff, not just computers.

That might not be the case, but if it is, then you have a great opportunity to get to know your husband even better while you love him into getting rid of that stuff. Ask him about his thoughts and his experiences with technology and what computers have meant to him and still mean to him. Approach the computer graveyard issue from an attitude of a respectful desire to understand why he’s keeping the parts. You’ll both find out right away if the computer parts have an emotional tie that keeps them around. In all other cases old computer parts should go; they have no value.

Have a question? Send it to Ask Doug.

Doug’s first job was in a meatpacking plant. He ran with the bulls in Pamplona. He’s read the works of C. S. Lewis. He’s manly, and he’s here to help.

See the comments for this post: Ask Doug: Dealing with Husband’s Old Computer Parts

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